Emmett, FRIENDS, and the Lottery
by Still-Obsessed
Summary: Emmett likes F.R.I.E.N.D.S! What happens when he realizes that he has never entered the lottery and decides to go for it. Why won’t Alice help him? There’s a silly list included. One-shot! Hope it makes you smile :


**Disclaimer: I don't own Emmett or Twilight. Or F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Or Oprah. Or anything, for that matter, except a laptop to use when I really should be studying.**

**A/N: I really like Emmett and this is my first FanFic in his POV. (I've only experimented with Edward's POV and have never written a FF that is not based on a certain dialogue from the Twilight book, so this is a big deal for me) It's written in a somewhat diary-like format. Oh, and my loyalties lie with Chandler Muriel Bing as my fav F.R.I.E.N.D (Joey Tribbiani is second) and I definitely don't think Emmett is a loser. Poor guy's just a little insecure during the beginning of this FanFic.**

Em's POV

I like F.R.I.E.N.D.S. So, sue me. I think Joey is pretty funny, but I also think that Chandler is a pretty cool guy. (He reminds me a little of pre-Bella Edward, with all his sarcasm and stuff). So today, while watching season nine's episodes, I came across "TOW the Lottery" **(A/N2: To those who don't know, TOW means The One With, which is the beginning of all FRIENDS episodes)**. That was when I realized that I had never entered the lottery.

I felt sudden shame. Here I was a 70-something year-old guy who has never entered the lottery. Can I BE anymore loser-ish? (Is that even a word? Well it is now…) But, no matter, I would make up for lost time by entering as soon as possible. With Alice's talents, I'd be sure to win. All those humans won't stand a chance. Call me evil, I don't care. I mean, I AM a vampire. It's practically my job to be evil at certain times.

**Later**

So, Alice said no. You heard me right. No. Why, you ask? Because I ripped a couple of her dresses. Alright, it was all fifteen of her brand-new dresses. But it's no big deal, wouldn't you agree? So I told her, just go to the store and buy a new one. And she gets even madder for no good reason. She starts shrieking about how these were one of a kind, specially made Sebastiano dresses. Which led me to ask, who in God's green Earth is Sebastiano? That just made her explode and she fumed to no end. It's impossible how someone so little can have so much anger stored inside. Maybe it's because she never remembered her human life or something. Or that she doesn't have a good relationship with her dad. (Note to Self: Stay away from both Oprah and Dr. Phil. They turn you into psychoanalysts!)

Back to my anger issue, here is my excellent reason: the Cubs had just lost! I was distressed! And in mourning! When your team loses, it ain't no picnic, let me tell you! So, I saw the bags near the doorway and just took a swipe at them and all the dresses fell out. Worse, the top one was green and orange, the color of the offending team which had won. I started clawing through all the other dresses. I lost control, I am saddened to say. It was very good that Bella wasn't around.

You'd think Alice would be glad that it was a bunch of dresses not her best friend that got shredded.

But this still leaves me with the fact that I have no way of guaranteeing my win in the lottery, and it'll be very lame if a vampire loses to a human.

Very loser-ish, in fact.

**Small while later**

During a fit of boredom, after being practically forced by Esme to apologize to Alice, I started to write this little list.

**Similarities between the Cullens and F.R.I.E.N.D.S:**

**There are 6 people in both 'families' (well, with Bella that is, and everyone considers her part of the family anyway)**

**Three guys; three girls**

**A black-haired girl (Monica-Alice), a burnette (Rachel-Bella), and a blonde (Phoebe-my Rosalie). (Weird, huh? I mean, they could've chosen any three hair colors but they chose those three. I tell you, I think the Emmett-Man is the only one to have caught that one.)**

**The black-haired girl is a little too loud and shrill (and kinda short), and usually gets her way (my definition of Alice!)**

**The character Phoebe (blonde) is very self-assured and thinks that everyone is in love with her. (I don't like admitting this, but Rose is kinda like that too. I do love her, though)**

**There's one guy with black, semi-curly hair (Ross), although –and I hope I don't sound vain when I say this- I think I'm better-looking than David Schwimmer.**

**According to Edward, I can be similar to Joey (in actions) on many occasions. I told him that was better than be a grumpy, cynical person, to which he got all defensive and we had a pretty good punching match until Esme told us to stop ruining her living room.**

Well how can you not, after having seen this list, wonder if your life is being made into a TV show. Can't you see that I can relate to all the characters? I feel like someone has been spying on us and doing this show. Although, it seemed to have managed to escape their attention that we are vampires. Alright, I guess the show isn't based on our lives. But, wow! Imagine if someone were portraying you on TV! That's way awesome!

Back to the topic, I'm still not sure if I have the guts to do the whole lottery thing alone. I mean, if I lose the lottery, Edward and Jasper have gloating rights for, pretty much, the next century. That would suck.

I heard a snort.

Wait, did Edward just hear that? "Yes," he called, mid-laugh.

Crap. Having a brother that can read minds can get very annoying sometimes. Especially when he tells you to cut the thoughts you have of your wife to a minimum. He says he would prefer not to puke. When I told him that that was physically impossible for a vampire to throw up, he promised that if he had to look at Rosalie 'looking like that' one more time, he'll make it possible.

Sometimes I don't think I like Edward that much.

**Later, still**

Alice forgave me, only because I promised to buy her thirty of those Sebby dresses (all of which had to be unique dresses. I think I'll just ask Rosalie to design them for me.) When I first said Sebby to her face (Sebastiano is just way too long!), she almost had a heart attack (well, you know what I mean). She said I was never to call a fashion genius by anything other than his name. She said it was derogatory and rude. I wanted to point out that it wasn't like they even knew I was calling them that, but I decided against it. That shows you just how desperate I was for her help.

So I began telling her what I wanted her to do, but of course, she already knew. And she interrupted and went in this super-fast very 'Monica' voice. "23 45 6 89 93 and 7," then she slammed the door. I guess she wasn't quite ready to forgive me yet. But I could swear I heard her giggle as she shut the door. Probably my imagination, I decided.

I jumped into the Jeep and drove all the way to Seattle really quickly, wanting to get there before anyone got the ticket. So, as I drove up to the store, and asked for said numbers. (being a vampire, by hearing them [the numbers] once I had them memorized. Pretty cool, right?) The girl behind the counter honestly scared me. She had shaved her hair off and had tattooed pictures of different people and different sayings on it [her head]. She had three rings in her each eyebrow and a very surly expression. The guy near her left ear seemed to be staring at me. I ran out as soon as I got my ticket. Oprah would love to have her on her show to talk about–… I seriously need to stay away from the TV from now on.

I may be a vampire but some girls do tend to freak me out occasionally. Hey, I am a guy.

When I got home, I waited for awhile. From watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I knew that I would have to wait on TV for the lottery, but I had no idea what channel or anything. I asked Alice tentatively (I didn't want to, but she was the only one home). She was actually smiling when she came down and showed what channel and everything. I knew that something was up that was causing her so much happiness, when she should be in all-black for the death and destruction of her 'one of a kind Sebastiano works of art' (her words, not mine). Something not good was going to happen. To me, I'm guessing.

Hey, wait a minute, where's my ticket?

**Two days later**

I think I hate Alice. I really do! It has taken me two days to finally open up about my feelings and start talking about— Dammit Dr. Phil! While I plan ways to kidnap that Texan dude, here's the story:

While so sweetly helping me find the correct channel in which the lottery would be viewed, Alice, in the interest of making my life more F.R.I.E.N.D.S-ly, gave my ticket to a pigeon. Actually, _fed_ my ticket to a pigeon. (Remember, when the pigeon knocks over the bowl that Phoebe was holding over the balcony?)

You know the worst part? It actually was the 6 million dollar winning ticket. Not that I'm tight on cash or anything, but I would have liked to have that feeling of winning, ya know? The lights glowing and me walking up to that place (where do people go to get the cash they win, anyway?) and then myself shaking hands with the guy who spins the ball things and then they hand me this huge check that has my name and…

Pain is too unbearable right now. Talk later. My eyes are filled with (unshed and nonexistent) tears. I don't think I'm going to watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S anymore. It will bring nothing but heartache to my poor soul.

**Hope you liked it! :) Waddya think?**


End file.
